The Stigma of Wanting Equality

I don't understand. I honestly don't understand. Despite bell hook's explanation on the history of the stigma of a "feminist," I just doesn't make any sense how girls can STILL support the negative connotation.

I had a conversation with my friends this evening (which was made up of 4 other girls and 1 boy) about feminism, and just to clarify these girls aren't anti-feminist they just grew up in an area that was very fem-power in the way that it became over-bearing.  Not to mention they are all in the male dominated professions of math, chemistry, and law. It basically came down to this:

Me: "So what do you want and what do you believe"
Them: "Well I want a job, I want to be independent, I want the right to vote, and I want equality"
Me: "So you ARE a feminist"
Them: "No, because society has given feminism a negative connotation. So, I don't consider myself a feminist."
Me: "So even though you believe in all the same things, you're not a feminist?"
Them: "No. Because most feminists are considered crazy. We go by the social definition, not Webster's"
Me: "So even though, you yourself could be/ are a feminist and could CHANGE societies perception of what a feminist actually is, you don't want to because...?"
Them: "Because we don't care that much. We're apathetic to the issue."

Again, this isn't a statement against my friends, and I'm not saying they're apathetic to womens' rights, this is just a comment on how society has changed the definition of feminism.

Alright, so I understand this. Relatively. I get that you don't want to be grouped into the stereotype of some crazy extremist double-X supremacist. I also understand that you already have most of what you want (really the only thing missing is full control over your ovaries and equal pay- which are both almost completed) so you don't feel the need to really fight.

But, if you embrace the stigma, if you go along with society's definition of what feminism really is, than you aren't helping the cause; YOUR cause.

So here's how it started out. Basically the media, which was made up of rich white males at the time the movement began, had no interest in spreading what real feminism was. As a result, the real goals of feminism weren't spread. Jump ahead a few years, the 70s. Now was the time of social change, a revolution for everyone. Feminism still had a stigma, but now feminists were in politics able to explain their goals. Not to mention the "institutionalization of womens' studies helped spread the word about feminism" (bell hooks). Yet, eventually, there was a backlash. And more backlash.

Look, you aren't helping yourself. Why deny the word? Why punish the title? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A FEMINIST. It's all what you allow to be played into. Fight back against the stigma. Fight for what you believe in. Christianity used to have a negative connotation, too. They were crazy cult followers. Now look at the title. People are proud to be Christians. So don't let society's twisting of the word stop you. CHANGE IT. EMBRACE IT. MAKE IT YOUR OWN.

If you prove to others that you ARE a feminist, and that you AREN'T hell-bent on supremacy, then THEY will spread the word, too. Pay it forward, and change will come...