Valentine's Day Massacre

So this is a little late, about two weeks late, but only because my brain and heart were so pregnant with ideas, frustration, and slight contempt for ignorance; so thank you for joining me on this momentous occasion that is the birth of yet one more blog post.

Valentine's Day. 

A day of love. A day to celebrate those who bring joy to your life. But mostly a day for everyone to complain about high expectations, disappointments, failed romances, and how the card and candy companies use this day to sell merchandise while simultaneously alienating those who are single. We're all aware that February 14th is actually just "Single Awareness Day," but what you may not have realized, like I apparently hadn't, is that feminists have a war against Valentine's Day.

Okay, not really. I'm not going to even attempt to be sarcastic in this post for fear that some misguided and confused soul would think I'm being serious. It's not the first time that would've happened...

Our story begins with a conversation. I asked was if he was doing something special with his wife. Then:

Him: "Valentines is a fake holiday"

Me: "With good intentions" 

Him: "Eh that's arguable. I didn't think someone like you would be in support of that."

Stop. Pause. Hold up a second. Someone like me? Someone like me is in support of the good intentions of Valentines Day? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

"A feminist. Like a real feminist"
 
M: "...a feminist cant celebrate Valentines Day?"
H: "Usually they trash its values as something that should just be a daily occurrence."
M: "First of all, feminists are all different..."

The dreaded word "They." The word that lumps every person who calls themselves a "Feminist" into a destructive, power-hungry, man-condemning cult. "They" which attributes a series of beliefs of a supposed "all" unto every individual. Taking a whole "Ism" and stereotyping, not just a stranger, but a friend. Flat out disregarding and dismissing what he's experienced everyday with me and STILL expecting and assigning negative connotations to my personality purely based on a stigma.

(Side note, while showing affection should occur daily, it's ridiculous to condemn a holiday based in dedicating EXTRA time to celebrate love in a special manner.)

So let's get back to the content: Because I'm a Feminist, I can't and won't support the holiday that celebrates love, mutual respect, romance, and sexual consent? No, that's not Feminist one bit (sorry, couldn't resist the sarcasm in the end...) Look, I understand that February 14th has become a holiday seemingly less about the meaning of love and more about consumerism, but it doesn't have to be. Just like every other holiday, the individual makes it special in their own way. Feminists don't trash anything except for inequality, and they especially don't trash the idea of loving others. In fact Feminists have taken Valentine's Day and claimed it as their own:

V-Day

"V-Day is a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls. V-Day is a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money, and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations. V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM), and sex slavery."

Furthermore, Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues are annually performed encouraging women to love their vagina's and themselves.

Continuing on....

Him: "I'm all for the fact that feminism celebrates the day as something different, that's pretty much what I'm saying. You don't need to show me articles to prove that"
Me: "It's not entirely different though- it still celebrates love, sexuality, and romance, but it enlarges it to include platonic and familial relationships as well as using it to promote mutual respect and consent. So "someone like me" would in no way "trash" Valentines day."
Him: "Trashing what it has become is a thing whether or not you want to believe and that's nothing bad. When i say trash it, I just mean they criticize it heavily and call out the bullshit on it because its stupid."
Me: "But they don't...PEOPLE criticize Valentines day for consumerism, but Feminists use it as a holiday to celebrate all forms of love. Of course there are exceptions within Feminism because it is an "Ism" and not everyone agrees, but V-day is a HUGE thing among the international Feminist community and that's where you're misunderstanding."

(By the way this conversation was copy and pasted word for word. Sorry for the invasion of privacy mysterious friend.)

So let me explain something. The reason why I am writing this is not just to educate about Valentines/ V-day, but more importantly to show how stereotypes are spread based on misunderstandings and false attributions of character. Those who condemn Valentine's Day CAN be Feminists, but they don't have to be. Those who are Feminist CAN condemn Valentine's Day, but they don't have to. There is no reason anyone should be surprised to find that "someone like me" supports a holiday that not only celebrates love but has actually extended it to include loving others, loving who you are, and physically loving yourself. (As in love your partner, love your personality, and learn to love your penis/vagina). 

And while some feminists do reject Valentine's Day because it establishes "gender binaries" and "traditional gender roles" thus supporting the patriarchy, there is MUCH MUCH MORE to consider. 

(Also I would like to note that this card is actually from an Anti-Feminist blog that ASSUMES this is what "someone like me" thinks.)

As a feminist, I admit that there are those more extreme than myself, and I do see where traditionally Valentine's Day falters, but there is no reason why it can't transcend these customs and be celebrated between friends or couples (heterosexual or homosexual). It's a holiday about love. It may be advertised as a holiday for husbands to do something for their wives, but it can just as easily be celebrated in equality if embraced in that way. Rather than rejecting, condemning, and spreading hate, we should adapt, change, and take charge of how we live our own lives. Make Valentine's Day your own, not what you think it's meant to be. Don't fall into the stereotype, and don't let stereotypes affect how you live.

With that, there is NO EXCUSE for attributing stigmas and negative connotations to Feminism (or any Ism/belief system) ESPECIALLY if you have not done your research. Furthermore, even if you have done your research, DO NOT assume that just because a few people believe in something means that ALL people of the same "Ism" believe the same. This goes for every religion, gender, sex, ethnicity, culture, nationality, so on so forth. Stop the hate. Stop the ignorance. Stop the judgement. Stop and look around. Observe, learn, read, explore, and come to understand that most hate is based in misunderstanding, lack of education, and the inability to listen.

Do the world a favor, and reconsider your negative stereotypes.